Planes, Trains & Automobiles

My Aunt Ollie died on Wednesday. I wasn't going to go to the funeral, mainly because it is almost 1100 miles away, who would take the kids to school, and we are preparing to close on our home construction loan any day now.

Then my brother threw down the gauntlet. "I'm going to drive up there because I feel that I should. She was really nice to me. I don't remember if you knew her as well as I did."

The hackles rose. "Of course, I knew her well! Better than you! She was my Godmother!" (do we ever really transcend our roles from early childhood?)

Hubby said he would go in late to work and leave early to cover the kids on Mon & Tues. So, now I am flying up to meet my "big" brother and then he and I together are going to drive the remaining 600 miles. Why am I not flying the whole distance? Try a difference of $470. And, I didn't want my brother driving by himself. My parents are leaving a day earlier and staying a little longer than we want to.

Thanks to Mignon and her interest, I have now put some old photos on here. Yes! I finally got a scanner. I may have to treat you to some ugly elementary photos of myself since everyone else has done it and I know I have laughed my head off at some (well, not YOURS - everyone else!)

Here is a photo of my Aunt Ollie with my husband. I told you she lived on the side of a mountain. That behind them is the mountain next door.
Isn't she teeny? My husband is really not a big guy.

Can you imagine waking up and having a view like that everyday?










Here is a picture of me on the same trip.

No, not the skinny blonde on the left, the one with the bump on her belly (4 mos. along) and TONS of hair! It was the 90's so SHUT-UP AND STOP LAUGHING. I was totally in style. You know you wish you had hair like that. That is all natural curl too.

Now that dress. At the time I thought I was oh, so cute in it. It was from Victoria's Secret and not even a true maternity dress. Now I am thinking that polka dots and pregnancy are not a good mix. Ixnay on the ig-bay uttons-bay too.

This was 13 1/2 years ago and I was pregnant with #2. I am standing by my cousins (one of my Aunt's kids - told ya they were hispanic looking) His wife is the other blonde. These two lived out of an RV for over two years, had their kids at home (and slept in a "family" bed) AND juiced everything or ate it raw. But thats another story.

My grandpa is standing next to me and we are in front of his house. The tiniest little house you have ever seen. He died about 3 years after this photo.

Please send me good thoughts as I will be on the road so much between tomorrow and Tuesday - flying, driving and hooking up with long lost relatives.

Taking A Hard Look

You know I can go from talking about my aunt on her deathbed (she died yesterday - I will blog about that tomorrow), to birds' getting it on, to now a touchy subject.

While I was peddling away on the recumbent bike at the work out room yesterday, I was flipping through my Newsweek. I love the bike, I am able to sweat AND read at the same time. Oh, and listen to my MP3 player and my new download of Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home. Tommy Lee is hot, hot, hot, but I digress.

THIS ARTICLE caught my attention. Then I had to ask myself. Had I ever done this before?? Hey, I saw the movie Crash, so I know we are ALL racist to a certain extent. We can't help ourselves. I think its human nature to categorize things. This can include people.

For those of you who are too lazy to click and read let me summarize: Black woman doctor is asked repeatedly by people of all races where the "real" doctor is or they don't believe she is the doctor.

I grew up in a home where the N-word was not allowed. In fact, the one time I tried it out (I was little and I didn't really understand what it meant, cut me some slack dammit!) my mother slapped me across the face. And no, she wasn't taken away by CPS, back then you could do that and it was called discipline. I don't hold a grudge. My fingers itch many times when my children smart off....again, I digress.

I grew up in a school that had no racial problems. There was only one race in it. White. I decided this whole race issue thing was "made up" by the media. We were all too sophisticated and enlightened for this to occur anymore. Then my husband and I moved to a mid-size town in Louisiana. When we saw the KKK on the open access channel (the dorks were wearing purple cone hats) we thought it was a joke. We laughed. Then we put our house up for sale to buy a newer, bigger one (with a pool).

Our next door neighbors were our best friends. They hated to see us leave the neighborhood since we did so much together. But, we weren't going to move that far away and really wanted that pool. To save some money, we listed by owner. A lady called to see the house. She was an attorney and a judge in town. She came over with her son. She made an offer. We accepted. We became persona non grata. Our "best friend" next door called my husband OUT. Tried to actually pick a fight with him. A fist fight. Told him we had lowered his house value by $10K. Told my husband that we weren't his "fucking friends" any longer. Oh, did I tell you? The lady was black.

We tried logic. "Its against the law to not sell your house to someone based on their skin color". They didn't care.

"The lady is a judge, an attorney, very professional and nice!" So what. We were very upset and couldn't believe that our friends stopped being our friends and NEVER SPOKE TO US AGAIN after that incident.

I hope I have never unwittingly been sucked into being even a little racist. I hope I approach ANY person with fresh eyes and an open mind. Okay, I guess I am a little racist but its only to people who are trash. And, trash comes in all colors.

The Birds and Bees

No doubt, Spring has sprung in south Texas. The rain showers, the bluebonnets, the pollen. But, the bird sex is out of control. Yes, bird sex. I am surrounded.

Yesterday I was at a friend's house having lunch and she has two Love Birds. The male kept bending up and down and rubbing himself on his perch. My friend told me that he was beating off....uh, I mean pleasuring himself. Why doesn't he just have sex with his female companion? They are Love Birds. The answer was that unless they put a nest in there the female won't have sex with him.

Good girl! Hold out for the big house! Make him fork over a big diamond too!

Then this morning on our morning drive to school the ducks were fuc...I mean, getting busy. I almost had to take both hands off the wheel to cover the youngest's eyes. We pass by a pond and it would be fine if the ducks would keep it all over there but no, they prefer the drainage ditch right next to the road.

There were three males poking...I mean pestering this one female. She looked a little flustered and I can't say I blame her. These male ducks were acting just like

THESE GUYS

Has anyone ever seen a male bird's penis?

Click Here Then!!

Did you have any idea that you would be so curious about bird sex or body parts?? Hey, I think about things. Go ahead, call me a brainiac.

The Earrings

Thanks for all the kind words regarding my last post. No news yet.

Here is a couple of pictures of the earrings. Can you believe I have been wearing these things for over 20 years and have never found out what they are? Maybe amethyst?

Here they are stuck in a blue candle so you can see their purply, lavender color up against blue. And it was the only way I could think to stand them up.

This whole ordeal is much harder on my mom than it is on me. She is very close to her sister and they already lost their parents. Add this to unresolved issues in her family (alchoholism, hypochrondriac mother) and it sets the stage for some emotional upheaval. My mother's fav weapon to flail herself with is the mighty sword of Guilt.

If you have any ideas about the stones origin, please feel free to pass them on. I probably should go to a jeweler and have them assess them. I have never been that interested. I just knew that I loved them, they went with about everything, and didn't turn my ears green.

This is for you Aunt Ollie

My aunt, who is also my Godmother is in a hospice right now clinging to life. I am about 1100 miles away or I would try and go.

My mom grew up in Colorado, in a little tiny town where everyone knew each other and they all spoke Spanish. My godmother was about 10 years older than her sister, my mother. Maria (my aunt Ollie - I still don't understand why we call her that and everyone else calls her Maria!) had 9 children of her own and lived on the side of a mountain. She and my Uncle owned a laundromat in the Springs. They worked very hard all of their lives. My uncle passed away at least 20 years ago of cancer. My aunt stayed in her same little house on the mountain, never remarried, and gradually all of her kids moved away but all stayed in touch one way or another.

Life in a house with 9 children was very different than my house where I grew up with only two brothers. We didn't have to fight for food, bathrooms or attention. My cousins fought and scrapped and my brother's and I spent a lot of time there with our eyes as wide as dinner plates. They were always way "street" smarter than my brothers and I. I know they thought of us as spoiled and soft and when I look back now, I acknowledge that compared to them, we were. But, my Aunt Ollie always treated us special. We were the children of her only and cherished baby sister. The sister that made it out of that small town. The sister who married well and was beautiful.

My Aunt always tried to give me something special when I visited. I was her Goddaughter and she took that vow seriously. We lived 600 miles away so visits were few. When I was in about 9th grade she gave me a pair of earrings. They weren't something she went out and purchased. I knew she had just gone into her bedroom and pulled them out of her own jewelry box to give them to me. They are simple studs in an antiqued silver setting. The stone is sometimes pink, sometimes purple and sometimes a periwinkle blue. I have no idea what they are but I still wear them at least 3 or 4 times a week now. I still receive lots of compliments and people ask me what they are made of. They are one of the most precious things I own. I think its because they weren't brand new. They were valuable to my aunt and she wanted to give me something of value.

Well, you did, Aunt Ollie. You taught me that when you love someone a gift from the heart is worth more than all the gold in the world.

I know when I called you just now you were groggy and the end is near but you still asked about me and how I was. I told you I loved you and I felt better. When you said I'll see you soon all I could think of was heaven and how the angels are tickled to receive you. Your unwavering faith is a testimony to all of us. Godspeed.

Say Hello to My Little Friends....

We are going over to visit some friends in the neighborhood tonight. It's Friday night. Isn't that enough reason to celebrate?

Stupid

I don't mind stupid people. I do mind when they intrude upon other's lives.

Yesterday I was driving down a particularly busy road, 6 lanes with a center turn lane, and I look over at this car. I notice the little girl in the backseat. She was about two but from the way she was moving I could tell she wasn't strapped into a car seat. A boy was sitting right next to her and then next to him was an empty carseat. I then look at the driver. That's when I see a little head with a red hood SITTING ON THE MAN'S LAP.

The mother was sitting in the passenger seat holding some balloons while the man drove with their baby on his lap!

My first thought, and I am ashamed to say it is - they must be ignorant and poor. No. They were driving a very new looking JAGUAR. A car that probably cost about $62,000.

Do they know what the airbag would do to that baby if they hit someone? They only need to bump into someone doing about 30 mph to activate it. We had a similar incident here, the mom was taking the older child to school, let the 2 & 3 year old sit in front (with NO seatbelt) and bumped into the car in front. The 2 year old was decapitated by the airbag!

What do you do in this situation? I have heard before that there are places you can report their license plate number and they will send them a postcard. Would it matter? The people had a carseat and chose NOT to use it. I wasn't next to them for long and considered making faces and appropriate hand signals but then they will just write me off as nasty and crazy (and lots of people have!).

It's weird because also yesterday before this incident, I was heading towards a client's location on a very busy interstate. A young guy in a BMW comes slipping in and out of the lanes, going at least 80-85. I cursed him and called him a jerk. A few minutes later I saw him pulled over by a cop! I remember thinking, "Finally, a cop when you need him!" I wish a cop would have been around to see this man with his family. The mom needs to get slapped around too. Hopefully they will get caught before its too late.

Live Life Like Chuck

My two oldest boys lately have been giggling away and retelling all these Chuck Norris jokes for the last few days.

Chuck Norris is famous for several things. Especially here in Texas, he is a god. He became famous for being an American dude good at martial arts and his roundhouse kick. Then he started making movies but I discovered him when I was preggo with #3. The hubs and I spent a lot of time at home with the other two kids just watching my bump grow.

We both got hooked on the t.v. show "Walker Texas Ranger." It came on Saturday night and it never failed that the hubby and I would look at each other and say, "We are truly sad that we are home every Saturday night AND watch this show." But we watched. There is something about Chuck Norris. You cannot look away.

WTR was a very predictable show. It was basically a set up to make Chuck look good. We knew that every week Walker's buddy CD was going to get the shit kicked out of him. I went to Ft. Worth once and went into the White Horse Saloon where they hung out on the show. Its a real place and let me tell you the Celebrity Vibes were just tangible (not!).

You may have seen Chuck and Christie Brinkley pushing the Total Gym piece of crap, uh, I mean work out equipment. This is because he is a god and can do anything. She was a demi-god of a super model.

So, now that you know who he is here are a few of the jokes (there are hundreds of these on the internet!)

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

and my current favorite!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Ask the Ouiga Board!

When I was a kid, safety was not our main concern. My parents didn't seem all that concerned about it either. That was the times though and although I am glad certain changes have been made I miss the carefreeness (just made up that word!) that went along with our attitudes back then.

There are a lot of things we don't do anymore that wasn't even a blip on the radar when I was a kid. When I was a kid you could go without a seatbelt and even stand up in the back seat (if you were small enough) AND bounce from one seat to another in the 40 acres we called a Station Wagon.

We rode our bikes all over the place, unaccompanied by an adult AND topless! You know I mean without a helmet! Mind out of gutter, now!

But, when I was in 5th grade one of our favorite things to play during any free time at school was the Ouiga Board (pronounced Wee-Gee for you deprived children). The Ouiga Board was All-Knowing. Ask it any question and it would answer! And, no it wasn't like the Magic Eight Ball. Magic Eight Ball didn't know shit. It would just say things like "Ask me later" or "My Sources say Yes". I have long suspicioned that it is just an answer given at random without any help from the spirit world.

I went to an Open Concept Elementary (a bad idea in the 70's) so to separate the classrooms we had rolling blackboards and rolling coat closets. A group of us girls would crowd into one of these rolling closets and eagerly place our fingers onto the triangular piece that would point to letters of the alphabet and spell things or to a simple yes or no.

Can you imagine kids going to school today and being allowed to summon the forces of the Occult?? Me and my friends were doing just that! We would ask the Ouiga board the most important question in the world over and over - "What boy likes me?"

We would take turns asking this question or a variation of it "Who Will I Marry?" "Who Do I Like?" then we would sit and hold our breath waiting for the ghost/evil spirits/hand of the Devil to move the message indicator. Of course, when it did we all would SWEAR we were not the ones pushing it.

Here is where I have a confession to make. I pushed the message indicator. There I said it! I have been keeping this secret for a very long time! I would make the indicator piece spell out R-E-X. I liked Rex R. back then. He was very cute and I didn't care WHO the Ouiga Board thought I should like or who liked me. I already knew the answer to that question!!

But you know what? I have a lot of unanswered questions in my life right now. Maybe I need the new Ouiga Board! The talking, glow in the dark one!!

"Should I work out today?"

The Ouiga Board says....."No, take the day off and rent a movie".

I SWEAR I DIDN'T MOVE IT!!

Ahhhh....Spring Break

We are on Spring Break here. What does this mean in my household? Well, it means that college boy is home and so are other two kiddos from school.

What? We aren't off skiing in Colorado? Basking on a beach? Dancing on a cruise ship? No!! We will be breaking ground on the money pit, ooops, I mean Dream House as soon as next week.

Spring Break this week means kids staying up late and then sleeping in. It means spending lots of money at the grocery store due to the fact that they eat nonstop. And so do their friends. The other night I cooked 3 lbs of taco meat, had over two college age, four teens, one 8 year old and three adults for dinner. No leftovers. I filled up on Tequizas.

So, yesterday I gathered up the two younger boys (tried to take the college one but he wouldn't get out of bed and hey, he's 19), two of the dogs and packed a lovely picnic and we headed to a large State Park about an hour north of us. The weather was perfect. We paid our way in and acquired a map. We found the hiking trail and started out. After about 4.5 minutes of walking the younger one starts in:

Thing 2: I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: Well, you'll have to wait.
Thing 2: I'll just do it right here.
Thing 1: You idiot!
Me: Its a public park and its against the law to just go peeing anywhere you feel like! (not to mention we had already passed a few people so were hardly alone!)

Walk about 4 minutes more.

Thing 2: I can't hold it.
Me: Good Lord, then Thing 1, go watch that way and Thing 2 duck behind that tree!

Disaster averted.
We walk and walk and walk. Thing 2 starts making noises about being hungry, when will we be finished and he's tired. Thing 1 keeps telling him to shut up.

Here they are mid-walk. Don't they look like they are having a fun time? Thing 2 has discovered the joy of making bunny ears and I suddenly have lots of pictures like this. I do believe the next picture would have shown Thing 1 punching Thing 2 in an effort to demonstrate his appreciation.

We walked another 25 minutes or so and suddenly I could feel something in my pant leg. It felt like something long and thin, like maybe a piece of grass and I tried to shake it out but nothing. I couldn't roll my pant leg up enough to get to it and as I kept walking it kept moving up and was now on the back of my thigh. Cold sweat begins to break out as I an envisioning the critter that could possibly be in my pants.

Me: Thing 1, hold this dog for me! (I am doubled over at this point, holding the thing between my fingers on the back of my jeans.
Thing 1: What are you doing?
Me: I am going to have to pull my pants down!
Thing 2: Oh! Yuck! You're pulling your pants down right here? (covers eyes in panic)
Me: There is something going up the leg of my pants and I have got to get it out.
Thing 1: (grabs dog and starts moving away)
Me: (look around, no one is coming, pull pants down) Look, its a big pine needle! Why did you move away from me anyway?
Thing 1: Because I knew you would freak out and yell at me to come and get whatever it was and I was getting ready to run.

WHAT? ME - FREAK OUT??? Ahhh, there was that time with the spider that obviously left a little scar tissue on my kids. Hey! Having something potentially alive, crawling up your pant leg is more than enough reason to FREAK OUT.

Our little hiking trail took us an HOUR to finish. I was carrying Kipper (the tiny dog) and thought I was going to have to carry Thing 2 also. The whining was pretty bad by the time we made it back to our car and picnic lunch.

Luckily, our delectable egg salad sandwiches were the perfect ending to a long hike. Tomorrow we will be heading to the younger brother's house in Big D. Then we can at least say we went SOMEWHERE on Spring Break.

I am Thinking of Remarrying??

I swear I do not frequent porn sites. Ever. So why would I get this email?

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Me think the English is not so good, yah? And, is that one person's name or 20?

The other day I got an email for this sex chair. Yes, the chair for when you are too lazy to hold yourself up but want to try some Kamasutra moves on your lady. I didn't even have to open that email, the picture of said chair was right there. It was a bench with a hole in it ( I will let you imagine what sticks through the hole). Two examples of some super fun positions were pictured. Let me just say, to use the chair you would have to be hung like a horse, and a Clydesdale at that!

Dear Mr. Internet:
Please stop sending me sex related emails.
Thank you,
DebbieDoesLife
P.S. Not interested in a Russian wife either.

Feeding Our Brains

I know you have long thought that I sit around in my spare time and read the dictionary, works of fine literary value and the encyclopedia.....and I do ;) BUT when I'm not, my husband and I are guilty of a well, -- a guilty pleasure.

There are some nights when you just don't want to get to committed to a t.v. show. Not in the mood for a movie or another one of those damn Law & Order shows. Murder, murder, murder. Every now and then I am in the mood for just a light taste of escapism. Sometimes Howard Stern satisfies. Can you ever get tired of girls peeling their clothes off and asking the ugliest man in the world to tell them if they are worthy of Playboy?

If you do then head on over HERE . Forget your troubles, come on get happy....along with Granddaddy Hef and the girls!

I like to refer to Kendra as "Sporty Spice." She's all tough and competitive underneath all that silicone. And don't let Holly fool you - the peroxide has not eaten away her desire to scratch the other girl's eyes out and stab them to death to get Hef all to herself. Bridget is just annoying.

This is one of those shows that I have to talk to all throughout. I am sure my poor husband gets tired of my running commentary but you know, there are at least 3 other t.v.'s in the house if it bothers him THAT much. I have to talk back to these plastic bitches.

Each girls owns about 10 dogs all under 10 pounds. Who picks up all the dog poop?

The girls' days consist of going to the salon, bouncing around in bathing suits and planning parties. Oh, and every Saturday night is movie night at the mansion! Their lives have real meaning, people!

And tell me seriously, do they REALLY have sex with Hef? The man treats them like a doting grandfather and I don't see any chemistry here. Unless the chemistry is "coming" in the form of a little blue pill.

Chapter 2

Yesterday was so much fun I thought I would give you another ride on the PMS train!!

Imagine with me (guys too!) that the girls each feel like they have gained 5 lbs. AND gone 10 rounds with the champ. When you go upstairs you actually hold onto them cuz they are soooo sore. There with me? Good. OH wait! Throw in some lower back pain too.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night. I did the whole I don't want to look at the clock cuz that will make me wake up even more, but did I listen? No! I looked and it was 2:25am. I flopped around a few times and finally decided that I might as well get up and do something. I came down to the t.v. room, flipped it on and what do you know?

Fried Green Tomatoes , only one of my fav movies of all time was on and it was just starting. I settled down with all three dogs and started watching. Well, the hormones kicked in when Ruth got the cancer and by the time she died I was BAWLING! I was crying so hard that I was dripping all over poor Kipper.

Here she is trying to catch up on her sleep this morning. I know you are either going ahhhh! "What a cutie-pie, what is she?" Or, your response is "what a ratty looking dog." She brings out either one or the other responses. I don't understand the ratty comments because I think she is BEEEUTIFUL. She is a whole 7.5 pounds of Chihuahua/West High Terrier.

Here is who was keeping my feet warm while my other end leaked.

Isn't he pretty? He just got his hair done the other day. He is a schnauzer mix. Miss Kipper owns him and raised him so he does whatever

she wants even though he outweighs her by 30 lbs. He is totally whipped. His name is Bruno.

I have to ask this question before we totally get away from Fried Green Tomatoes, the movie. I went to see it with my mother when it first came out and loved it. Am I the only person in the world who didn't realize until someone told them that Idgy and Ruth were lesbians? I was all like, WHAT? No! They were just best friends. Then she reminded me of Idgy's man clothes and mannerisms. And she said if I would read the book it was obvious. Which I did and she was right. I don't care that they were lesbians and they really did love each other, it just changed the movie for me.

I already knew today was going to be such a great day, with all the PMS, but it got even better! I got a phone call from each of the boy's schools and I had to go pick up two sick kids. The middle one had a track meet that he cannot run in now AND we were all going to the Houston Rodeo tonight and see Maroon 5. Not anymore. I will be in the pediatricians office getting a strep test done in an hour. Oh well, anyone want 4 tickets (really good seats too!) to see Maroon 5?

Just to be fair, I should include a picture of my Chinese pug Sandy. She has a persecution complex and when her mommy started chasing her with the evil box that flashes, she got all weird and I only got this picture. Hey, wait a minute. I recognize those symptoms! Sandy has PMS too!!

They should be called....Whoremones

Since I don't seem to have a large male following I will discuss the topic of PMS. Why? Because it is so fucking fun!

Some months I am an Angry Monster but this month I am the Weeping Woman. It occurred to me this morning when I was driving the youngest to school and stopped as usual for the crossing guard at a neighborhood public school. This crossing guard is 75 if he's a day. He wears a big straw cowboy hat and his little jeans and boots. What I love about him though is the rapport he has with the kids. They all start smiling when they see him, way before they even get close to him. He always seems to have a friendly word for them (I can't hear but every now and then read lips well). He is quite officious with his stop sign and we in cars know that we MUST RESPECT that stop sign he carries because he is protecting those kids lives. Well, this morning I sat and watched kids cross and tears started running down my cheeks. Good Lord, it's THAT week!

I then had to then drive passed a "sail" cat. At least thats what we called them when I was growing up. A cat that had been smashed so flat by cars that you could fling 'em like a frisbee. More tears. For the poor cat.

I have been listening to John Denver while I work on that newsletter that I still haven't finished(I know, you youngsters are all looking quizzical and asking WHO?) and his tune, "Annie's Song"came on. Waaaahhhhh!!!!

I am afraid to turn on the t.v. That Swiffer commercial could send me over the edge.

Adult ADD

Thought I would take you on a walk today. Come along with me on a virtual day in my life and see if you think I may be suffering from Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

Wake up at 5:15am to work on client's newsletter.
5:20am - make cup of hot tea
5:22am - check email (oh, look Tink and Ditsy commented on my blog. Guess I should go and see my blog.)
5:29am - open Adobe Pagemaker and actually pull up newsletter document. Shoot! Need pictures - go back to email to download from there. What? A new email from TLC. Need to see what she said first.
5:40am - need another cup of tea
5:43am - maybe I should write new post for my blog and get that out of the way so I can get to work on this newsletter. Told client I would have a proof by tomorrow.
6:00am SIL walks in from garage apartment. Must meet and greet lest she think me rude.
6:15 am - Thirteen year old up and ready for breakfast. Cook him breakfast.
6:30am - Go up stairs and wake 8 year old son.

Forget working on newsletter, must make another breakfast, get dressed in dirty clothes found on floor, drive one son to track by 7 am, then come back and feed dogs, clean up kitchen, pack a lunch and head out the door to take youngest at 8. Don't arrive home until 8:45.

8:46am maybe I should work out. Should I go to the gym or run? I'll go to the gym but let me check my email first.
9:15am Well, maybe I'll just jump in the shower. But first maybe just a bite to eat. Oh, there's the newspaper. To be well informed I should read the newspaper.
10:00am MUST GET IN SHOWER
10:01 am Arrive in bathroom. Hmmmm, lots of dirty clothes. I should start a load of laundry. Won't take me a second! I'll just run this load downstairs, get one started and be right back!
10:10am - Well, I guess I could check my email, since I am back downstairs. And, read a few blogs.
11:00am - Going to take a shower NOW. Uh oh. Look at those eyebrows. Definately need to pluck.
Lunch time! I'm showered and hungry! Let's eat and watch Forensic Scientists on Discovery. Uugghh, lets not. Disgusting video of dead people. Change channel to "How Do I Look?" I love this show.
12:30 check email. Oh, look, bills to pay and I haven't done a lick of work on that newsletter!
12:35 phone call from friend. Tell her how busy I am and we both discuss for 45 minutes our busy, busy schedules.
1:15 Sit down to work on newsletter. Maybe I should read a few more of my buddy blogs first, then I'll be more focused and in the mood to work.
1:30pm I meant to whiten my teeth today! I'll just run upstairs, throw on some white strips and be right back down and then its straight to work!
1:45 Oh no! I forgot I need to get to the grocery store. No milk! No bread!
2:00 Jump in car and run to the store. End up buying $150 of groceries.
3:15 pick up 8 year old.
3:45 arrive home. Unload and put away groceries. Check snail mailbox, open and throw out crap mail. Hmmm, that makes me think of my email! I need to check and see if anyone has read my latest post of the day!
4:30 - What's for dinner mom? Good question. How many nights in a row of frozen pizza is too many?
4:31Oprah! I missed the first 30 minutes. What's she talking about today because God knows I am too busy to admit to watching. Well, maybe I will sit down on the sofa. I mean, I deserve it you know. I've been really busy today.
4:35 Next son gets home, Oldest one calls from college and needs paperwork of some kind. Husband calls and checks in to see how my day has been.
6:00 Dinner - home work
6:30 Scouts/and or church meeting/ and or writer's group/ and or athletic event of some kind (fill in this spot with any of the above!)
9:00pm Sorry honey - no nookie for you because I have a newsletter that is due tomorrow so I will need to stay up until midnight finishing it!

What do you think? Its either ADD or time management issues. Gosh, maybe I should Google both and see what I find. Then I am going to jump in the shower. Or should I work out first? Kinda hungry, maybe I'll eat first......what was I saying?

Ya-Ya Weekend

Wonderful.

The house. The food (the lasagna was awesome!). The wine. The hot tub. The chick flicks. The laughter. That is probably my favorite thing about this past weekend is the laughter. The rich, right from the belly, laughing. And the moments of real touching. Not skin to skin. But soul touching. The deep knowledge that I am not alone in this journey I call MY LIFE.

A laughing moment: Finding a neat Mexican restaurant and all eagerly running in, throats poised for that first salty, sour taste of tequila, lime and triple sec....to find out we were in a dry county. WHAT??? The transvestite (and honey, loads of make-up and fake nails do NOT make thee a woman) on the drums almost made up for that lack of liquor. Our waiter was nice enough to make a road trip for us. I'm sure he figured his chances of surviving the evening AND the size of his tip was dependent on getting some drinks for this estrogen laced, and desperately thirsty group of women.

Artful and Awesome: The glass blowing studio. Incredible art and an incredible way of expressing beauty. It was fascinating to watch this artist produce a piece right in front of us. And, do a running monologue that had us all in stitches. I wish I could do something like that. Of course, scenes of Lucille Ball and what she could do with 3 super heated ovens and red hot molten glass come to mind and make me leave it to the professionals.

The only dark spot was this afternoon on the drive home. When we met the biggest asshole of a State Trooper. Our group rode in two different cars and my friend/driver opted to take a more scenic route other than the Interstate. There were three of us chatting away and suddenly, I noticed the cars coming towards us were veering off on the shoulder of the road and a split second later we heard a siren. My friend slowed immediately and pulled to the right and a State Trooper whizzed past. We commented how he seemed to come out of nowhere and how we didn't hear his siren until right then. Then we thought no more of it for the next 10-15 minutes and we came upon an accident scene. We slowed to a stop, peering out the window at an ambulance and two fire trucks. It looked like there was definately someone hurt but no fatalities.

We were forced to stop and a trooper walked up to our window. Imagine if you will, brown uniformed officer, topping out at about 5'5" with a big cowboy hat on. Oh yeah, and a huge chip of something on his shoulder...

Trooper: Ma'm, it is the law that you must pull over and get out of the way of an emergency vehicle.
My Friend/Driver: I'm sorry. I didn't hear your siren and the minute I did I pulled over.
Trooper: Sorry doesn't cut it ma'm. You have to get out of the way! You and the car behind you slowed me down!
My F/D: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be in the way.
Trooper: I don't care. You have to pay attention and get out of my way!

My friend apologized several times and luckily, kept her cool. This jerk-off of a cop was rude and spoiling for a fight. As we drove off my friend, who is not one to cuss or be ugly ever, was visibly upset by his upbraiding. She put her hand up and flipped him off (of course he couldn't see since we were too far away and thank goodness for tinted windows) and said, "This is all I can say to you."

Looking back I could see he was reeming out the next driver too. Honestly, I think THAT guy must have been the one who truly slowed him down but why didn't the cop just pass him? And why blame us too when the minute we noticed him we moved?

I feel that just because he was short and obviously not getting any, he did not need to take it out on my friend.

Other than that it was a wickedly successful, soul filling Ya-Ya weekend.

The Evil Meme

GOD! I've been tagged. Its not the first time and usually I just ignore the tags but seeing its my buddy WORDGIRL then I will do it.

If you don't read all the way - have a great weekend! I am taking off with 5 of my gal pals and we are heading to the hill country for a Ya-Ya Weekend. What is that? It's a weekend of eating too much, drinking too much and laughing until your stomach hurts. We are also fitting in some shopping and touring a vineyard (guess that fits under drinking too much!).

4 jobs I've had:

1. Cleaned up poop at a veterinarian's clinic (for 3 years - LOVE THE POOP!)
2. Filled water glasses at a cafeteria (they replaced me with a mentally challenged girl!)
3. Toy Merchandiser
4. Freelance Writer (for the last 13 years)

4 movies I can watch over and over:

1. Forest Gump
2. The Princess Bride
3. Frequency
4. Pretty Woman (Come on - you know you love this movie too!!)

4 Places I have lived:

1. Salt Lake City, Utah
2. Edmond, Oklahoma
2. Lafayette, Louisiana
4. Pendleton, Oregon

4 places I have vacationed:

1. Cancun, Mexico
2. San Diego, CA
3. Fussen, Germany
4. Amsterdam, The Netherlands

4 places I visit every day:

I run through a list of about 26 blogs every day (its called skimming!). So, I hate doing this because I am leaving out 22 of you but here's 4 just to have an answer....

1. Pickled Beef
2. Lone Sophist
3. Joy Unexpected
4. Sarcastic Journalist

4 Favorite Foods:

1. Anything Asian
2. Sushi (does that count in #1??)
3. Chocolate - chocolate cake, chocolate bars, chocolate pudding....
4. Custard. (I know its weird, but sometimes I make myself a little mini-bowl of custard!)

4 Places I would rather be:

1. The beach
2. Hiking in the woods
3. Shopping!
4. Alone with my husband in a hotel room (sans kids) anywhere....we could be just down the street for all I care!

4 People I am tagging:

1. Mama Tulip
2. Cissy
3. Tink
4. Aunt Vanessa

Random Thoughts

Just watched Meg Ryan on Oprah. There needs to be a collagen intervention in that girl's life! Quack-Quack! In addition, she was trying to diss dear, sweet, hot and gorgeous, Dennis Quaid too. Uh, that would be a big NO! Even Meg-o's posture screamed "I have issues and I am not afraid to use them!"

And, her hair?? What hair product advertises "Makes your hair stringy and homeless looking"??

Road Rage. Not by me for a refreshing change. I just got to witness it. Thanks little Honda-Dude for sharing the bird with all of us whenever YOU were the JERK who refused to yield. You see when the sign tells you that your lane is ending, it is not your God given right to pull into ours. Put your damn signal on and ask permission. I was actually rooting for Ford Truck-Dude who held his ground. Honda-Dude went off into the ditch, steering with one hand, might I add since his other was sticking out the window.

Disturbing - While talking with my brother last night he was asking me if I knew about the surgery my aunt has to undergo. It seems that after giving birth to 9 children and advanced age, her parts are now literally falling out of her.

Brother:Did Mom tell you about this?
Me: Kinda
Brother: Mom was naming specific parts.
Me: Like what exactly?
Brother: Her vagina.
Me: Our Mom used THAT word right in front of you - No, to you??? That is so wrong!
Brother: Tell me about it. I was trying to eat dessert.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

I run. I lift weights. I try and eat right EVERYDAY.

Some people plot against this.

THEY leave delicious and beautiful chocolate cakes at your door. Like this.With a note that said FOR THE QUEEN. That's me!!! Just because I was nice to her kiddo. Here's the secret....the little cutie-patootie loves me and was EASY! Don't tell. I've tried to act like it was a LOT of work and wore me out and that really I deserve the Gold Medal for BabySitting!

How did SJ know that I am really a queen? And that I always eat cake with my tiara on?? That girl is psychic!